Motion.

Yes, I’m feeling down. I know it’s not a rarity.

It’s just that a few seconds ago, I stumbled across Soma’s facebook account. He’s grown a lot, physically- taller, darker, though not really so much handsomer. I wouldn’t know if he has grown on other terms though, since it’s been forever since we last conversed. But I suppose he’s still the same old narcissist.

Hmm. His name would always throw me back to our final fatal fight, which got me so worked up that I didn’t talk to him up ‘til now. I think. But I suppose even if the anger’s dissipated (and that took awhile), it wouldn’t matter as much now anymore, if it would even matter at all. Times have changed, and there’s always that lingering reminder of what Soma said during his first days in I.P. at NJ last year when I told him he’d make new friends which would be as big a part of his life as the people in Anderson were. “No, it’s not the same.,” he said. “You guys are different. I won’t ever make friends like the ones in Anderson. And we’ll always be friends no matter what.”

But no. I suppose he honestly believed that when he said it. I doubt that, even if we had not fought, he would remain as the old, demanding, perpetually unable to frown, YOU-HAVE-TO-REPLY-IMMEDIATELY-CARMINA! Soma. I doubt that even more than the chance of me beating him in arm wrestling now as I had so often done in seconday one drama sessions. I doubt that even more than the chance of us being able to teach him how to frown had we extended it from a half hour to two. I doubt that even more than the chance of me scoring against Halim and Taufiq when I had played two on two alongside him. There are just some things that are so certain and inevitable as time’s continuous movement, that however hard you try to retain the sand in the sieve it would still flow out of the other side. Bryan’s words when he came to visit yesterday suddenly became a thought so frightening it made me rethink my will to leave Anderson. “Ei. Why is everyone gone? It seems like I don’t recognize anyone anymore.” I found myself groping for an answer, though I was half trying not to figure it. It’s because the world’s trapped in continuous motion, and just like how the universe is expanding the lines that bind one from another are thinning. The beautiful evenings of nostalgic orange sunlight and laughter amidst play that grace the school every 6.30 Fridays would always remain, but the people who enjoy it change. If you stand on the same spot and look forward and back you realize you don’t really know much of either.

But we just have to continue moving, don’t we? We get left behind either way.