cheers and tears for self-pity

Went out with Erica Michelle and troupe today. Yay.
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I read some of the messages which have managed to exist for quite some time in my Saved Messages Box without my knowledge. Though actually I did know them to be there, just forgot about them for a while. They went something like...

"...okay...but just one last time..."

"...so, so much"

It's that point in your life when you feel most pathetic and worthless, going through again and again "what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood". And how terrible it feels that you can't just hate someone who had caused you so much pain, and how you realize only when you've cleared your mind, how pitiful you seemed when you tried to tell him, for "one last time", how you felt.

And I hate unnecessarily reliving that moment. And the fact that music makes you feel worse.

Hands Down - Dashboard Confessional

Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep.
This air is blessed, you share with me.
This night is wild, so calm and dull.
These hearts, they race from self-control.
Your legs are smooth as they graze mine.
We're doing fine, we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me,
So won't you kill me, so I die happy?
My heart is yours, to fill or burst,
To break or bury, or wear as jewelry.
Whichever you prefer.

The words are hushed, let's not get busted.
Just lay entwined here, undiscovered;
Safe in here from all the stupid questions.
"Hey, did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close,
They can't hear, so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me,
So won't you kill me, so I die happy?
My heart is yours, to fill or burst,
To break or bury, or wear as jewelry.
Whichever you prefer.

Hands down, this is the best day I can ever remember.
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
The dim of the soft lights, the scent of your hair,
That you twirled in your fingers.
And the time on the clock when we realized it's so late.
And this walk that we shared together.
The streets were wet and the gate was locked,
So I jumped it and I let you in,
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist,
And you kissed me like you meant it,
And I knew that you meant it.
That you meant it, that you meant it.
And I knew that you meant it, that you meant it.