when you've taken interest in the afterlife

Somehow, I found it rather enjoyable to listen to the happy songs in Sylvia's blog. I've been listening to ear-numbing rock for the past three days so it is perhaps a speedy transition which makes me feel rather...uncomfortable.

And therefore I shall stop listening to it.

Lately, Erica and MJ have taken the roles of my protectors, and it's all very sweet of them, but I hate it when they get worried. Especially Erica, who almost always feels uncomfortable when she knows not what to say. But that's alright, as I have dictated in the poem I read to her in Sec 2 as we rummaged the lockers for stuff, throwing whatever we found at each other, "I just want you to listen". Though the constant repetition of that line from the CME file annoyed her so and amused me greatly.

And yes, if the first sentence of that paragraph sounds familiar, it's from The Holiday, which is a great movie you should definitely watch if you haven't yet done so.

Transitions. It's amazing how the mood can change in the snap of a finger, or for greater accuracy, "the smile of a loved one" or "ignorance". It's been bothering me lately, how I've constantly reminded myself not to allow my emotions to rely on the people around me, but it's been a great challenge. One that I was, and still am, unable to overcome.

The discovery of a certain secret does not help. A secret, which immeasurably gladdened MJ. Erica's thoughts on it are yet to be uncovered, but for now, she seems quite happy about it. Evily so. For me, it's quite depressing. And I continue to doubt the evidence, deeming it impossible.

Perhaps you have noticed, that I've been rather glum lately, my hands cold as ice. I find it hard to explain why my hands freeze up, except to say that I have developed a power to control the temperature of my body, and channel it to my fingertips with a single thought. A single mind-numbing thought, complete with evidence and analysis of why this is happening.

"Hurting in places you never knew you had inside you"
And it's not only the sick feeling of your chest bursting and the contents of your abdomen piling out. Or your brain inexplicably not being able to think about anything else, even if you terribly wish it to. It's everything, which affects me so much.

And for some reason, I sometimes have that morbid feeling that I do want it to affect me. But I can't really tell why.

"Sometimes when she ignores you, that's when she wants and needs you most."
-Rob Schneider